It’s Debatable: Is Walking Better Than Running?

October 12, 2018

Hello and welcome to the second episode of America’s new favorite show called It’s Debatable!

It’s the show where we take important, controversial topics and invite two experts to settle the argument once and for all.

This week, we’re discussing the most important issue facing America today: being healthy.

Our two experts are here, so let’s get started!

Narrator (N): Thanks for being here and welcome to It’s Debatable. With America’s health in decline, we need these answers now more than ever. Here’s how the show works: I’ll start you two on a topic and your arguments will follow. At the end, a verdict will be rendered. Ready to go?

Pro Walking (Walk): Ready.

Pro Running (Run): I’m ready as the Serengeti.

N: Right. Today’s topic is about our health. Specifically, which activity is healthier: walking or running? It may seem like running won the argument decades ago but America’s obesity rates continue to rise. Maybe there’s a better way. Or maybe we just need to run more. What are your takes?

Walk: You hit on it perfectly. Obesity rates are rising. And why? Because of running. We think our only choices are to run or be overweight. And, seriously, who wants to run? Ever?  Running is for the birds.

Run: Yeah, well, I clocked myself last week at over 16 kilometers/hour, which is faster than many medium-sized birds.

Walk: Kilometers? Are you using the metric system?

Run: Metric is the most accurate measuring system, okay?

Walk: Whatever. Well, here’s the thing. Walking is healthier.

Run: I don’t think so, dude. I run for hours every week and, look at me, I only weigh 77 kilograms.

Walk: Does that include your fanny pack?

Run: Lay off, man! It’s called a man pouch. Got it? Man pouch!

Walk: I think I just lost my appetite.

Run:  Listen, I don’t even know why I’m here. Running burns 2.5 times more calories than walking, okay? This isn’t even a contest.

N: Well, let’s get into that. If running burns almost 3 times as many calories, how can walking win the debate?

Walk: Easy. Running, in theory, burns more. But those are the key words: “in theory”. I said it earlier: no one likes to run. Just the thought of running is enough to make anyone stay inside and make another plate of nachos…

Run: I haven’t had a single nacho chip in four years.

Walk: You haven’t had a friend in four years. As I was saying, running is a huge hassle. And it’s hard. You say it burns 2.5 more calories? Let me ask you this: how many more calories does it burn if you decide not to do it? Walking, on the other hand, is no hassle. Walking is not hard. Walking can be done every day. If I walk every day and you run once a week (if you run at all) who wins the calorie battle then?

PK: That’s stupid. Who doesn’t want to run? Who doesn’t love the pounding of three times your body weight on every step? Dude, anyone who decides not to go on a run is weak and pitiful.

Walk: Nice.

N: Is running that much tougher on the body?

Walk: Yes! Walking puts very little stress on the body, half as much stress with each step. Walking produces far fewer injuries than running. In fact, walking produces the least injuries of any aerobic exercise.

Run: Whatever, bro. Since my knee surgery six months ago, I haven’t had one single injury except for a twisted ankle and shin splints.

Walk: No brain injuries?

Run: What? No!

Walk: Wouldn’t hurt to check. But to the point, researchers note that HALF of all runners are affected by running injuries each year. Knees mostly. And it’s long been suspected that these injuries and the general stress of running leads to osteoarthritis.

Run: Osteo-what?

Walk: Osteoarthritis. Inflammation of joints. Just a fun little side effect of running.

Run: But what about fat burn, though? I burn so much fat when I run.

Walk: Walking burns fat, too. And we get to wear normal clothes. We don’t have to put on those special outfits you wear or buy $2,400 Nike Air Prestos. We can just walk and be healthy anytime, anyplace.

Run: Dude, that’s where you’re so wrong. I never wear a shirt when I run.

Walk: I might throw up for hours.

N: Let’s start wrapping up. Any closing arguments?

Walk: Don’t underestimate the deeper benefits of walking. Why do you think that Steve Jobs had all of his important meetings as he walked? Walking has amazing side effects. Researchers have found that low-impact activities, such as WALKING, improves creativity, improves our mood, and forges new connections between brain cells. It makes us happier, more creative, and improves our brain functions long-term.

Run: Yeah, well, those two guys I knocked over during my morning run will get more creative. They’ll learn how to stay out of my way!

Walk: I think I rest my case.

Run: I bet you do. That’s all you weak walkers do: rest. Meanwhile I’m out banging out a 6k run, paying attention to nothing and burning those cals.

Walk: Well, if image and coolness is what matters, never forget this extremely important point.

Run: What’s that?

Walk: Walking is cool. Running is not. Have you ever seen a runner do this?

Run: Hold up. Is that O-Ren Ishii?

Walk: Oh yes. And notice she’s not jogging. Or what about this?

Run: Oh no. Not Guardians of the Galaxy…

Walk: Or, and you asked for it, what about the Wolf Pack letting the dogs out??

Run: NOOOOO!!!…

N: Well, it appears that our Pro Running expert ran screaming out of our studio and got hit by a street trolley. By virtue of that and the excellent points made by Pro Walking, we can say that it’s no longer debatable:

Walking is better than running!

Thanks for joining us, everyone. This has been It’s Debatable, where every debate is a good one as long as the other person is wrong.

See you next time!

My book is called The Inevitability of Becoming Rich, and you can find that here.