The Happiness Test

June 23, 2017

For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

-Shakespeare

There have been a lot of books written about happiness.

How do we get it? How do we keep it? Where does it come? All viable questions and worthy of deep, solemn, lengthy introspection.

Or we can just take a test.

If Shakespeare is right and it’s how we think about things that make them good or bad (or make us happy or sad), then it would be a wise choice to take a multiple choice test and let the results lead us in the right direction.

If we’re happy now, hooray! But if we’re choosing sadness, then knowing that can help us right the ship and improve our lives.

So here’s all you have to do. Just answer these diligently-researched, highly-scientific questions honestly and tally up your score. The short table at the end will tell you what you need to know.

To the test!

Question #1

Your favorite NBA basketball team lost in the Western Conference Final. The only reason they lost is because a cheap hooligan took a cheap shot and hurt your best player. What is your reaction?

a) Write hate mail to the offending player’s family while throwing urine-soaked darts at his picture on your wall. (20 points)

b) Know that your team had a 20-point lead on those thugs before your star got hurt and  calmly look forward to next season (10 points)

Question #2

You’re running late for work because the dog threw up on your socks, so you need to make up some time on the freeway. What do you do when you get stuck behind someone going only 47 mph in the fast lane because he’s too busy texting?

a) Hold your horn down for five minutes straight while repeatedly slamming your front end into the back of their car, all the while screaming forbidden obscenities from a forgotten language. (20 points)

b) Understand that the person ahead of you might be a nurse who’s texting with a patient’s family member who has a son in critical care, all the while realizing that your dog brings you so much joy during the times he’s not vomiting on your footwear. (10 points)

Question #3

You just lost out on a promotion at work to a guy who goes around saying things like, “What has two thumbs and digs hot chicks? This guy!” What is your next step?

a) Fill up a paper bag with warm llama feces and light it on fire on his desk. (20 points)

b) Realize that you’ve been at this job too long and it’s not the job you really want anyway. Then start doing research on finding a new job and/or starting that new online business you meant to start but didn’t because you might get a promotion. (10 points)

Question #4

Your longtime romantic partner just broke up with you, and did it using text message with a sad emoji at the end. What’s your next move?

a) Spend the first three weeks sleeping in your car while staking out their house in an attempt to find who they might be seeing now. Then spend the next three weeks composing hate sonnets on Facebook and making angry YouTube videos in your undershirt. (20 points)

b) Come to the quiet understanding that it’s your fault. If you were a better person then your partner wouldn’t have left. If you were a more aware person, then you would have known that you two aren’t meant to be together. Then start working out, eating right, reading more, and being totally unrecognizable should your paths ever cross accidentally on purpose. (10 points)

Now add up your score.

If your total is 50 points or more, this is your every day happiness level. Click here.

If your total is 40 points or less, this is your every day happiness level. Click here.

My book is called The Inevitability of Becoming Rich, and you can find that here.