Find A Best Friend In Three Minutes

May 15, 2020

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Who has time to meet people?

I mean, I have 6-8 hours of Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok still ahead of me today. And I can’t wait to update my Facebook groups about this exciting new research I found from a unique thinker in Montana.

That’s why I spent years forming a list of questions that will immediately reveal my new best friend.

When I meet someone who looks promising, I simply shove this list in their face. If their answers are correct, presto! I have a new partner-in-crime.

So, here is a perfect list of questions to find a friend. Answer honestly and then check your rating at the end.

Here we go.

#1 No matter how the end total of Majors ends up, who is the greatest male tennis player of all time?

a. Roger Federer

b. Rafael Nadal

c. Not sure

#2 There is a famous tennis tournament held in England each summer. How is it pronounced?

a. Wimble-DON

b. Wimble-TON

c. Not sure

#3 The greatest television show of all time is…

a. Sherlock (BBC version)

b. Friends

c. Not sure

#4 If someone starts a conversation with you by saying, “Hey, did you see Tiger King?” you should…

a. Throw a bag of monkey feces at them and run away.

b. Say, “Yeah, that was awesome! Do you think Carol really…”

c. Not sure

#5 Is Springsteen’s Born In The USA a patriotic song to be played at Patriotic events?

a. No, do you understand English words? It’s an anti-America, protest song.

b. Yes! U-S-A! U-S-A!

c. Not sure

#6 Is The Bachelor a good show?

a. “You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You’re watching people who aren’t actors, put into situations created by people who aren’t writers, and they’re second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation– which it’s not. And you are passively observing this; you’re watching an amateur production of nothing. It’s like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.”

b. Yes, it’s awesome!

c. Not sure

#7 Is LeBron James better than Michael Jordan?

a. Hahahahahahahahahaha

b. Yes

c. Not sure

Quiz key:

If you got all questions correct: We’re ready to book vacations together.

If you got 4-6 questions correct: You have potential, but just text me until you learn some stuff.

If you got 1-3 questions correct: I fear for your future.

If you got 0 questions right: A Turkish prison is probably the best place for you.

If you answered “not sure” to all the questions, you’re probably a newborn baby infant, and I am not friends with infants.

My book is called The Inevitability of Becoming Rich, and you can find that here.